Merry Christmas to You!

Andrew is sleep by 9p every night, gets a nap in between the times of 12p & 3p. Yesterday, of course I was letting him stay up. He woke up from his nap around 4p so I knew he wouldn't be ready to lay down @ 8:30p. I was @ work @ 8p and wasn't expecting to see him until Christmas Day.

My mom & Carlos surprised me & for SOME reason COMPLETELY forgot about Andrew. That sounds wrong. I mean, since I know he is sleep around midnight I didn't expect to see him but if my mom & Carlos are both @ my job of course Andrew would have to come through! ANYWAY: FIRST! I was surprised and I remember saying, "Oh my God," while staring at the front door. They came in, my mom, gave me a big hug and said, "We came to wish you a Merry Christmas. Te traje a tu hijo...." I almost cried when Andrew ran into my arms with a huge smile on his face.

*tearing up again*

I hugged him, closed my eyes, held tightly & said, "Merry Christmas Andrew!!"

*tears running down my face now (not then)*

He kept holding onto me, tighter than I was holding him.

I enjoyed every millisecond of that hug. Hope to never forget it.

Not Quite Like This Before

Ok, most of my followers (LOL) know that I took a trip to Mexico from the 14th-21st in the state of Jalisco in the town my family is from: beautiful Barra de Navidad.

I didn't miss a beat when I arrived tho. Soon as I got back, started handlin' business & got back into it (workin').

When I walked into my place tho, I was filled with happiness. Before me, were stockings hung up, Christmas decorations everywhere, pictures of my brothers, mom, son & myself in frames arranged neatly w/a slight diagonal look. And the tree.

Oh, behold. The Christmas tree.

Couldn't believe my eyes. Couldn't believe this was what was waiting for me. My spirit was out of control! I hadn't seen & felt this in years. Family sounded so great & I was incredibly grateful!

Although I will be working today and won't be getting home til about 3:10am (Christmas Day) & will be working tomorrow afternoon until the 26th I feel good. Thank God I'm working.

With that said, Merry Christmas Eve everybody!

And if you don't have the Christmas/Holiday spirit, then celebrate Festivus.. For the rest of us.

It's a win-win. Ha.

This Hit SO CLOSE to Home

Mom Plays Two Roles

I feel it deep down
wished for more smiles then frowns
wanna be called pops, for that you get no props
No park, no ball, go get, go call.
Provide, that's what you re supposed to do,
anything "Dad" related was a joke to you.
Get smacked, get yelled at..that's dad
that's what he's good at.
No hard feelings, not many memories..
my future with my kids, not really worrying me.
I learned to ball, I learned to stunt,
I learned how to lay-up, I learned how to bunt.
Looking in the mirror, it's a splitting image...
Life with him, wouldnt want to re-live it.
More smiles, less tears, no pain, no blood smears.
Had to get advice elsewhere, kept feelings bottled up,
Felt like what I was doing was never good enough.
Good at striking, good at fighting...not so great with words
emotions were stifling.
Im daddy, Im brother, I provide...
No daddy, no Big Brother...Ill survive.
Get in trouble, make mistakes
Erase them mentally, raise the stakes.
Get better, move forward
Make mami proud, no harm, no foul.
I may look like you,
doing everything in my power not to be like you.
I will stay true, to that word that bothers,
unlike you, I'll become a great father.

MRBRUCRU.BLOGSPOT.COM

Can't please 'em all..

I lost a follower :'(

So long Andrea.

Funky Fresh Dressed Impressed

Ready to Party!

Entourage

On HBO. And in my living room.

Cupcake Destruction Pt. 2

Yummy. Candy.

Cupcake Destruction Pt. 1

Mm. Mm.

More Joy

Andrew's cousin Asia makes an appearance, Ava once more & even an orange
cupcake (sup D).

Andrew & Ava

(on Thanksgiving Day, the cousins were inseparable).

Father & Son

To be held, with a feeling of security. At the same time, feeling strength and empowerment from his father holding him. Letting him know that everything would be okay. That he's been waiting for him for 9 months. And that he's so happy to see him. Feeling so loved. So calm, quiet, enjoying his daddy's touch/voice.

Such a little being. Miraculous as well as unbelievable entrance to this world. Never would I have thought that I could love a human being so much the INSTANT I laid eyes on you. How soft your skin is, and your smell, so pleasant. Look at your hair, your eyes, you looking at me. Remember when I read the first book you've ever heard? Goodnight, Moon. And as soon as I finished reading those last words you let out a yawn. And closed your eyes. As if, YOU KNEW, it was the end. So intelligent, you knew, you understood. I love you. I'm so proud of you.

Look, Daddy. Look. I can play. I can jump. I can talk too. I walk, I skip, I run, I'm fast. I no longer just lay there and look at you while closing and opening my mouth without making a sound. I interact, I respond, I reply, I understand emotion a bit better. I have style, I recognize fashion, I show off when my mommy buys me new forces. :-) Shoes, shoes! Look, shoes!! See my hat Daddy? Mommy says I'm handsome. She says, she's proud of me too. But I get angry sometimes. She doesn't like when I don't listen to her. She doesn't like when I scatter my toys around the living room. She REALLY doesn't like coming home from work and seeing that she can't see the floor anymore. Sometimes I don't want to pick up my toys (I don't like clean-up time). But when I see my mom start picking them up, I help her. But not always. I like to wrestle. I like to cuddle, but not always. It's up to me when. It's up to me when you get a kiss from me too. I don't know. Just how I go about things, that's all. I miss you Daddy. Kiss. Daddy. Kiss.

Thanksgiving Day

I'm purposely late in posting anything regarding Thanksgiving because I believe that one should be thankful every single day. Not just the 4th Thursday of November. My family never had Thanksgiving 'Day' as part of our traditions so it doesn't mean anything to me. However Andrew's dad's side of the family celebrates it and each relative makes a dish and shares with the rest. It eventually becomes this monstrosity of good food. Stuff that is especially good for your soul. Andrew was definitely a part of that this year. And I heard he had a great time.

These are pictures of his way to Temecula. I know there was A LOT of traffic.

I love traffic. It's fun to make eye contact with strangers after you danced and sang a song like no one was listening/watching. I feel I make their day.

Disney Pixar's

Cars!!

I went to WalMart not too long ago, and came across two different comforters worth buying. The Cars theme or the Wall·E theme. So I asked Andrew which one did he like best. After gasping once and holding his shocked look for about 3 minutes, he decided he wanted the Cars theme to sleep on. Then I came across the hamper he likes to use as a "hiding" spot. Then I came across the towel. He didn't have a say in those, I just bought them lol. Add two more gasps when I showed him these things.

After all the hoopla, he was out for his daily afternoon nap.

Ima cop the Wall·E theme too.

For myself.

Wall·E Pt. 2

Look at how cool this is!! Oh mannn can't wait til Andrew wakes up to this!!! He's gonna gasp and somehow when he gasps his dimples show.. Wooooooo!!

Wall·E

$37.67.. Pixar, will u give me my mind back? I done lost it over there O:-)

A Change Is Gonna Come

I was born by the river in a little tent
Oh and just like the river
I've been running ever since

It's been too hard living but I'm afraid to die
Cause I don't know what's up there beyond the sky

I go to the movie and I go downtown
Somebody keep telling me don't hang around

Then I go to my brother
And I say brother help me please
But he winds up knockin' me
Back down on my knees
There been times that I thought
I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come,
Oh yes it will

-Seal-

Baby Barack

PEOPLE NAMING THEIR CHILDREN BARACK ALREADY?!

Source: My dude, Brooklyn.

Why not a strong name...?? Like.

Andrew.

;-D

Heaven's Grocery Store

I was walking down life's highway a long time ago.
One day I saw a sign that read, "Heaven's Grocery Store."
As I got a little closer, I was standing inside
I saw a host of angels.....They were standing everywhere.
One handed me a basket and said, "My child shop with care."
Everything a Christian needed was in that grocery store.
And all you couldn't carry, you could come back, the next day for more.
First I got some patience, Love was in the same row.
Further down was understanding. You need that everywhere you go.
I got a box or two of wisdom, a bag or two of faith.
I just couldn't miss the Holy Ghost for it was all over the place.
I stopped to get some strength and courage to help me run this race.
By then my basket was getting full, but I remembered I needed some grace.
I didn't forget salvation-that was free.
So I tried to get enough of that to save both you and me.
Then I started up the counter to pay my grocery bill,
For I thought I had everything to do my master's will.
As I went up the aisle I saw prayer and I just had to put that in.
For I knew when I stepped outside, I would run right into sin.
Peace and joy were plentiful; they were on the last shelf.
Song and praises were hanging near so I just helped myself.
Then I said to the Angel, "How much do I owe?"
He just smiled and said, "Just take them everywhere you go."
He smiled again and said,
"My child, Jesus paid your bill a long time ago."

Se7en

*speechless*

Childhood Toys

I was watching cartoons this morning with my young one while we were having Cheerios and we're watching these commercials intended for the younger audience, you know. I see they still have the girls with their babies that pee and you got these 5yr old girls training to be mothers LOL. I also saw that for the boys it's just full out action and helicopters with bazookas attached to 'em. Or they have the super cool lookin' designs on the vehicles and u see 'em goin' over mountains and hills. Whereas there's these ugly dolls that are surrounded by 3yr old girls dying their hair a diff color one strand at a time.

Being a boy is much cooler lol.

My mom told me the other day that I used to play with dolls and I was in shock! I remember playing with the Hot Wheels toys from McDonald's AND I SPECIFICALLY remember this ass whoopin' my mother gave me when I was 8 and she caught me cutting one of my dolls' hair n flushing it down the toilet. I don't remember actually enjoying and playing with them!! I remember coloring their faces with marker and with the dolls that had moving eyes [you'd lay them down, eyes would close, sit 'em up and their eyes would open] I would poke their eye until it would break or pop through.

HOWEVER. I do remember appreciating and loving this Polly Pocket heart shaped pink box that opened down the middle and it had little people and inside was their home. And omg. I need to look for it online. I want to get myself this for Christmas.

Do u remember a very special toy you used to play with?? Tell me about it.

Twilight

So. Now I want to see it. Not cuz of Mr. Bru Cru or Mirenda though they may or may not have, lol, played a part in my decision.

This little girl today, at Legoland, had a Twilight t-shirt on. She looked about 10. The back said, "If you could live forever, what would you live for?" and I was like ooh. Then when she faced me it was that familiar picture I saw on Mr Bru Cru's post [MrBruCru.blogspot.com]. And I exclaimed, "IS THAT TWILIGHT?!" She smiled and said, "Yeah." Then she told me about it and when the movie would come out which of course I forgot now but good ol' google will help me out with that one.

But. That's a good question. That I didn't even address when I wrote about Twilight on my other blog.

I'm not sure if I can come up with an excellent answer to that. But. I'm thinking...

If YOU could live forever, what would you live FOR?

I would explore and travel as much as possible. I would never work because I would already be making lots of money, somehow. Lol.

Because I don't know if anyone important such as Andrew will be living forever like me, I'm not sure how I feel about the fact that I will have those close to me pass on. And then I will no doubt get lonely so do I start a family again knowing I will outgrow them? I mean there's only so much pain one can take. And if I'm unable to die it's just INSANE to be thinking about this.

Fantastic!

Haircut @ Fantastic Sam's :-D

Footprints On My Soul

I see what they mean now when they say, "They grow up so fast, don't they?" It's almost just a blur when I held you for the first time as I had tears of joy coming out of my eyes and I was letting you know everything would be all right and that you were with me and you were well and I love you so much. I'm your mama, I'm here, it's okay. I love you baby.

Now you reach out for me. You hold my hand. You ask me where and when you want me to kiss you. You brush your teeth and tell me you're ready for me to accept a kiss from me. You hurt yourself and before I can even ask if you're all right, you run up and look up at me to say, "Mama. I'm Ok." How adorable are you?

You and I have grown so much since I discovered you'd be a part of my life. An amazing journey I'd say including the stories I don't know about during those 7 lonely but most productive (of my life) months you were away from me. You're growing baby boy and I feel like now I need to hear you to tell me that everything would be all right. That you are going to bewith me and I am well and you love me so. You're my son. You will be there, it's okay. You love your mama.

I'm afraid Son. Afraid of working too much and not spending enough time with you. I'm afraid that once again I will miss out on ONE day without knowing what it is you did, ate, felt, experienced.. something you did for the first time in your life-without me. I don't want to lose you again. I want to hear that that won't happen. I want to be reassured. But most importantly I want to believe it. I want to wake up every morning and know you are still with me. I want to be able to experience things you do that let me know you are happy. I want to show you things you have never dreamed of. I want to constantly see that beautiful smile of yours while you're staring into my eyes. Those big, brown eyes.

When you start growing day by day without me I want you to think of me. I want you to invite me on your journey. I want to be beside you when you are happy, sad, lonely, in need of comfort, when you just want to squeeze the hell out of my arm like you love to do so often, I want to be there. When you are angry with me because I won't give you three Skittles, only two. When you look at me and tell me, "Scared. Mama. Scared." I want to be there to let you know that there is nothing you need to be afraid of. Nothing at all.

I think what you are trying to tell me now is that I don't have to be afraid. I don't and should not have any fear in my heart. I should maintain faith and try hard to never let go of it and feed it well in order for it to blossom. There is nothing I need to be afraid of. Nothing at all.

The Royal Joust

Tragedy in So Many Forms

REALITY

I love Expressive Frontier. You should, too.

EF LIFESTYLE

Prototype

I hope that you're the one
If not, you are the prototype
We'll tiptoe to the sun
And do thangs I know you like

I think I'm in love again

Today must be my lucky day
Baby, you are the prototype
Do sumn' outta the ordinary
Like catch a matinee
Baby you are the prototype
I think I'm..

If we happen to part
Lord knows I don't want that
But hey, we can't be mad at God
We met today for a reason
I think I'm on the right track now

The Scene
Come here

Girl, right now I wanna say, I wanna say
I wanna say stank you very much
For picking me up
And bringing me back to this world
I can't, I'm not
I can't afford to not record
I thank I wanna say
I thank I wanna say stank you, stank you
Smelly much!
For picking me up and bringing me back to this world
Hey, hey John! Are we recording our ad libs?
Really?? Were we recording just then?
Let me hear that, that first one
When I first started

-Andre Benjamin-

Rain-Bow.

My alarm woke me at 7AM this morning. Minutes later, this loud forceful sound came through. Lightning McQue- haha no um, just thunder. It was sooo loud. A car alarm went off and when I looked next to me I saw a young pair of eyes. Andrew was ready for the day. I was going to take my brother to school but now that Andrew was awake he was coming along as well.

Few minutes later, Andrew and I opened the door and we heard thunder AND saw lightning this time. As we were looking outside, at the bright day, we heard what sounded like rushing waves crashing down ashore. It was hard rain coming down. And lots of it. I couldn't believe it. First time I ever see that happen. Where it looks like a nice dry day [w/o the lightning/thunder] and then as I'm staring out rain comes along. It was absolutely amazing.

So we ran to the car and after we dropped my brother off and came back two rainbows were out. I told Andrew what they were and he started saying, "Rayyn-Bo!"

The End.

I wonder..

I just found out Paul Newman died [two days ago] cuz someone dope, M*, blogged about it on her blog, SunriseSundown.blogspot.com. As fine as he was when he was younger, I know him most recently for his role in Cars as Doc Hudson so I just wonder what's gonna happen for Cars 2?

Calling All Good Mothers..

While I'm at work, my mom takes care of Andrew and for about a month now when I get home, he eventually gets very whiny and cries a lot and is 734829120x's sensitive. It's ridiculous because I'm so happy when I see him and he is too! When I arrive, he greets me with a huge Kool-Aid smile and raises his arms up high and I pick him up and it's just amazing. I mean, it feels amazing. My favorite part of a working day. But dang he's so whiny about highly unimportant things on a good day u know what I mean? And my mom says that he's very well-behaved and he only acts like that when I'm home. Do you know why? I have a few ideas but *shrugs*

My cosi.cosi :-)

He just lubs his mama <3

Let Me Take A Moment-

As I'm laying here, getting ready to rest my eyes for at least 8 hrs, God willing, I chose to look back on the last few weeks and what I thought were money issues of mine. One sentence comes to mind.

"God works in mysterious ways."

That couldn't be more true if you had a front seat to my documentary which doesn't exist. I had to take a moment tonight to ask for forgiveness. How truly ungrateful I was. I'm just smh at myself. I'm glad, at least, I am aware of it and know to really work hard at seeing what's around me. What I'm able to provide. No wonder they look at me as if I'm HOPE. They're not taking advantage of me. They love me. They DO appreciate me. They're just doing what I am incapable of doing. Asking for help. And willingly, got to the point of them not having to ask, I just do. I'm genuinely happy. I have nothing to complain about. My son has his own bed he sleeps in, really his own room [I just sleep in it], no tv but I got my music. And that, ladies and gentlemen is truly wonderful. Thee gift, here, is being able to listen to this music. God, thank You for my life, and for those lives around me. Life could never be perfect, but it really is great, and I thank You for waking my senses.

Let me just take a moment-please.

Activity Book!

I Spy...

Lightning McQueen!

Duplo Playground!

Embrace Your Culture.

Tonight, my brother invited his gf to visit and our fam is unusual in a fun-loving way. So we're being us and goofin' off, throw in spanish inappropriateness, and a comment about gas and u have a few minutes with us. I hear my mom APOLOGIZE to his gf and adds that, "that's how we are."

I didn't think it affected me until I laid down and said, damn am I bout to write about this tonight? I think this is my 7th post today or somethin'. Anywho.

She shouldn't have apologized [insert "yelling" AOL smiley here]!

If you're a certain way, and always been that way, you're not willing to change because you're happy with yourself, why apologize? It's not like you mean it, cuz the second after ur still you. I could understand if she apologized for a certain remark she said but she included "us." And I don't apologize for me. Or how I am. I think before I speak. There are times I evaluate myself from time to time and dedicate to change spiritually. It's all about growth. But there's a certain way one is. That u can't escape. No matter what job you have, what class you're a part of, how much money you make. It's your culture. It's your lifestyle. The way you speak. The things you choose to speak about. How you live your life by the interactions made with others. I understand someone that curses and wants to avoid that. But a sense of humor that is practiced daily, then an "outsider" comes, and all of a sudden we should be proper. Get out of here. Be real. Be you. Embrace. No shame.

I will teach Andrew about his cultures. He will be educated and with all the options available he will decide how to be. It will be the right choice and I hope he doesn't ever feel the need to apologize for how he is. He will also learn that everyone won't be pleased and his duty isn't to please everyone. People will either accept him or keep it movin'.

Next Major Trip!

Disneyland Resort Paris!

I don't know how I'm going to do it before next April or next January but this is something I really want Andrew and I to experience.

For those more fortunate than I:

http://offers.disneylandparis.co.uk/special-offers/index.xhtml

I LOVE ANDREW!

Davida, you're an amazing photographer!

Hakuna Matata

Priceless smiles and games for days..

Timeless..