Peace Has its Price

No matter what morals, values you have throughout this journey we call life, sooner or later you realize that you have to look out for yourself. Because those you thought were there for you aren't even there for themselves. & so what have you loved them for? HAVE you been loving them if they don't even bother to love themselves?

When it comes to your peace, your serenity YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT IT TAKES. Stand alone & there isn't anyone who can turn their back to you. Stand united & you're surrounded.

You got enough ammo?

Green Eyed Love

I prefer DCBG's posts than that other guy that isn't a blogger. Anyway that (or this below) is my favorite song of the moment!

& while browsing online about Mr. Hawthorne I discovered that he will be performing 30minutes away from me tomorrow night. So I'm going.

More info.

Testament

I know what it's like to not have you. Not just for a weekend, a couple weeks, almost a year I missed out on your life. I did the best that I could to see you again, to help you remember what we had. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't see you again.

Think about it.

I do not know what I would do if I could not see you again.
I truly do not.

But baby.. No. Not baby. My "big boy.."
I can't stop treating you as if I'm never going to see you again. That, in itself is a sign of weakness. As if I'm not sure enough I will always have you. I say this to myself a lot.

'You won't know strength if I am unable to show you it.'
& my (heart)beat goes on.

1963

& stretch

My aunt's turtle was supposed to be with us for a couple of weeks. I think it is ours now. I dislike it a lot. Today it did a neat thing though. Practiced some yoga.

Golden $tate

Like everyone should, I'm proud of where I'm from. But this (lack thereof) justice system. It gets a grip of your beliefs. Your morals. One begins to question when they'll get a Gold Star for doing a good job on staying true to self.

C.R.E.A.M.

Final thought(s): I never would have thought that I would have my ONE in the courthouse with me; accompanying my struggle. The American Dream. God bless the U-S of A. *burns United States flag*

Speed Your Love to Me

Another morning w/o my son, Andrew. As I stare at "my" room that looks like his [thanks to me] I find myself, yet again, on (an emotional) one. I was looking at pictures of him & I thought to myself, he's growing up. [Duh, right] I mean.

It's more like where did the time go? How old am I?

I just miss him & though he's away from me a few days each week, I want that time back! Like I want all those days. I want them all. I feel like I'm NOT supposed to be away. Granted, I'd probably ask for a break or 737 of them if he really was with me every day but. Still. His smile. His laugh. His embrace. Even when he's rough & tackles me when I'm least ready. Throughout his unecessary crying & irritating whines I Miss Him So Much. Because of my graveyard shifts, I come home around 6:15AM. He wakes up shortly after & I'm so tired. But I just got home now & boyy do I wish he was here so we can play.

Why?

Shit don't make any sense! I should be using this time to regroup & take advantage of him not being around & get some rest! Alas, I lay awake. Alone.

Oh, Love. In many ways you work to make me feel so good. & turn right around & have it hurt so badly.

Love, I can't get enough of you. I live for you, Love.

Love Always, Jennifer.