Another morning w/o my son, Andrew. As I stare at "my" room that looks like his [thanks to me] I find myself, yet again, on (an emotional) one. I was looking at pictures of him & I thought to myself, he's growing up. [Duh, right] I mean.
It's more like where did the time go? How old am I?
I just miss him & though he's away from me a few days each week, I want that time back! Like I want all those days. I want them all. I feel like I'm NOT supposed to be away. Granted, I'd probably ask for a break or 737 of them if he really was with me every day but. Still. His smile. His laugh. His embrace. Even when he's rough & tackles me when I'm least ready. Throughout his unecessary crying & irritating whines I Miss Him So Much. Because of my graveyard shifts, I come home around 6:15AM. He wakes up shortly after & I'm so tired. But I just got home now & boyy do I wish he was here so we can play.
Why?
Shit don't make any sense! I should be using this time to regroup & take advantage of him not being around & get some rest! Alas, I lay awake. Alone.
Oh, Love. In many ways you work to make me feel so good. & turn right around & have it hurt so badly.
Love, I can't get enough of you. I live for you, Love.
Love Always, Jennifer.
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