One Night Only.

When I had my son, I dreamed of going to Barra De Navidad and visit my great grandmother so she can see her great-great grandson. And have pictures taken with the both of them and when he gets older I could tell him about the memories that he may not recall and share with him pictures and tell her of all the stories that she shared with me and of her secret wisdom that she only shared with me. I am the only female granddaughter as well as the great granddaughter and I feel special for that.

My mother doesn't remember her great grandmother but her great grandmother got to hold her when my mother was a baby and my grandma tells my mom about it anytime my mom wants to ask about it.

When my mom told me that, I thought it was such a beautiful thing. I mean yeah my mom doesn't remember but my great great grandmother got to see her! And that's just. Beautiful. It really is. Nothing else matters to me when I hear or feel something like that.

I daydream of the day when I am able to see my great grandmother because I want her to meet her great great grandson. Don't get me wrong. I don't think of this because I want history to repeat itself in a good way. I just want that experience.

She has a bad hip and has been in a wheelchair for a long time now and I feel like she's not passing away until sometime after she meets Andrew. And it may be weird but that's just something I feel. I know I could be wrong but the hope in me is that she lives a long time and even after she sees Andrew for her to remain alive and well.

My great grandmother thinks and says outloud to family and friends that she will die in surgery. She says that that's the reason she hasn't fixed her hips and that even something minor as getting surgery on her eyes [she can only see figures but can't make out who is front of her; is able to tell by voice], would kill her. She's said that she always knew that she would die if she went through surgery. So she chooses to suffer and live instead. She's strong.

I love her way more than she knows and not being able to talk to her just kills me.

Tonight my aunt got a call from our relatives in Mexico and was told that my Ma Lupe was vomiting blood and she is in the hospital now.

I pray.